I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
