just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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