You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize