Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
BRING THE BAGELS
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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