His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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