oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize