New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
