I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize