but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
