That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
