I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
