yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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