you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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