I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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