She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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