Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
