i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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