you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
