I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
