Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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