Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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