What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
