Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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