sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I party with great urgency now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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