I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
