i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
