I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
