i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
