You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
