What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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