I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
