have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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