U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
