Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
