Swine flu. Run for my life!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
