Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize