I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
