Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
