when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
