Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
