didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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