Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He uses pillows to masturbate.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
