I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
