My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
