WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
