There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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