Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
