Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
even my farts smell like vagina
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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