Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
