Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
