Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
