I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
