Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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