Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize