I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize