Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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