Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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