If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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