Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
