Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
