you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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