I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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